Step 1: Steam the mushrooms "until done". Think about the texture you want your mushrooms to be in the end--not mushy, but not raw/toothy.

Step 2: Step away from the mushrooms and let them cool. This is a good time to play a short game of Backgammon or to dance to a few songs.

Step 3: Blend the salt, garlic, and rice into a paste using either a blender, a food processor, or (as is done traditionally) a mortar and pestle. The paste should be a little thicker than stoneground mustard.

Step 4: Add the mixture to your mushrooms.

Step 5: Wash your hands. Wash them thoroughly, then wash them again. Your hands should be very, very clean.

Step 6: Now use your hands to mix the mushrooms.

Step 7: Now mix the mushrooms some more.

Step 8: Take a break, drink some water, then mix the mushrooms some more.

Step 9: Your mushrooms should be thoroughly coated. If they're not, mix the mushrooms some more.

Step 10: Wash your hands again. Wash them thoroughly, then wash them again. You really, really want to take this opportunity to remove as much of the garlic smell as possible.

Step 11: Thoroughly wash your jar and your long-handled spoon in the hottest water you can handle.

Step 12: Carefully spoon the mushroom mixture into the jar and really pack it in tight.

Step 13: Put a piece of saran wrap over the top of the jar, and then screw the lid of the jar on. This is to prevent the salt from rusting the lid.

Step 14: Leave the jar in a cool room, but outside the fridge, for two days. The garlic will become less pronounced and will sour.

Step 15: Refrigerate and enjoy!